Life According to the Witch Princess
by Mousie Munch
Summary: Get ready for a story chock full of sarcasm and Goddess criticism! Bored of her old life, the Witch Princess leaves for Sunny island. But her world is suddenly turned into mayhem when she learns that even a dark heart can beat with love...


I sat by the empty cauldron, tapping a rhythmic beat on it with my fingernails. A few years ago, my life had been the best. Now, it was as dull as dull could be. Everybody had got married, so there was no breaking love couples up. And sabotaging farms was starting to get boring. Oh, and the goddess was back. The joy of it. I _still _had to listen to her going "Tadaaa!!!" everyday. You'd think being turned to stone and being transported to another world would have made her learn better. Well, it hadn't. The Harvest Goddess was back. Was she thick? Didn't she realise that she annoyed the hell out of everybody, even her "oh so loyal" harvest sprites (who went to hide in wells and pots after the incident) ?

Life was going nowhere. My life wasn't worth living.

In all my, uhhh… 5 000? I'd lost count. Anyway, in all of my life, I'd never been so bored.

I had to do something.

Grinning, I got out my magic bag, cramming the most vital books into it. Then I opened my teddy cupboard.

All my friends sat there, soft fur, beady eyes, forever smiling.

My favourite was the oldest, most worn one. It had a red ribbon that I had tied around it when I was only 500 years old. I lovingly fitted him into my bag, then muttered a spell under my breath, and the others disappeared. I'd hidden my teddies in the cupboard because the valley's annoying new farmer who never said anything and always wore the same blue cap and dungarees kept coming, and I was worried that he might tell the goddess. Now _that _would be trouble all right. I could just picture it…

"Tadaa!" would definitely be her starting word. Then…

"I can't believe it! Little Miss Witch Princess has teddies!"

That would lead to a long conversation, and a replay of the many "unfortunate" events in which the Goddess was out of the way, and I could have a bit of life where I was left to do what I wanted.

My cauldron was old and rusted, with the remains of potion which I hadn't thoroughly cleaned out still at the bottom. Now every potion I made would have some weird side effect. Like switching the blonde (Okay, I am blonde too, but I'm more of a straw colour!) and that big furry monster who's only come in the Winter, so that all the customers at the bar ran screaming when whateverhernamewas was searching them for shiny stuff, when I actually meant to see if I could get a teddy bear copy of the monster. Ah, never mind. I'd get a new one, but, just in case, I did the same to it as I had with my teddy bears.

I went through a final check. The only things left were ones I didn't need.

It was dark in the valley, and the moon was covered with clouds, so that if I wasn't the Witch Princess herself I would've stumbled over all the branches on the floor which either the farmer hadn't been bothered to swing at with his axe, or the Goddess's lumber team had missed on purpose just so that I would trip over them.

I stopped off by that dreaded pond, and reached into my pockets, before tossing the oldest, most worm ridden boot I could find, which was missing half of its laces, and its sole. It landed in with a splash.

The Goddess didn't even bother to say her oh-so-annoying catchphrase as she shot out, hands on hips. She sighed, as if I was a 2 year old and she was a teenager.

"I knew it was you."

I clenched my fists to stop myself from throwing a fireball at her.

"I just came to make a small announcement." I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, whatever could it be?" she said in her sweet, innocent life-is-made-of-candyfloss voice which made me almost want to physically attack her instead of using magic.

"I'm leaving. So you can stop annoying me, and you can keep your stupid sprites away from me. Especially the baby one."

The baby sprite, which had been spying on us from a nearby pot popped its head back inside.

The Harvest Pest did another of those oh-so-irritating sighs.

I turned on my heel and walked away, into the portal that appeared.


End file.
